I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
