he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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