she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
