So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
