I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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