i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
