smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
