He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
