Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
