my phone needs a breathalizer
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize