have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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