We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
