I skipped work to stalk him.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
