Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
