Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
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My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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