dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
