wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
