i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
His nipple licking is glorious
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