I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
