just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
