we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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