She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
