I wish I could teleport
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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