apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
