Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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