I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
