Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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