Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
