I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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