looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
