So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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