if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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