can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
