im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
