why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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