who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
why is half of my head shaved?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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