Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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