sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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