I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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