She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
