So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
