please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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