my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
