THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
