I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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