how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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