this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
All the doctor said was why
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
