Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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