You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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