Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
