I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
