The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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