OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
