I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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