Soap is not a condiment
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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