I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
