I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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