You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
