also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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