There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
