i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
