well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
