So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
