You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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