Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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