You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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