Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
