just come out here and I will go home with you...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
