I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
