who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
