Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
