Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
