He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
