wakey wakey hands off snakey
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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